she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
