Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
