We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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