if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
