you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
