He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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