i permit you to call me
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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