winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
