The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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