I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize