dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
