She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
