i permit you to call me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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