I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
