new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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