i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
