Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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