just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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