You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
