I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
