real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
