I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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