Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
