if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
