and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also, beer. Big fan.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
