We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
