I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
