TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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