Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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