your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
