ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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