Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
