So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
