it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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