DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
