He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
