They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
