god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
