dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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