made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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