I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize