i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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