i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dignity is for republicans.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
