not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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