I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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