Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
