do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize