the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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