How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
