Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
