Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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