I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
