i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
