whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
