She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
