We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
