You're my little dorito
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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