Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
