ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
