Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
