WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
