shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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