ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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