Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
