Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
