Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
