Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
