im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
