I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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