I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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