that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
