just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
