Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
