you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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