This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
